“Ol’ Blue” Dies Of Digital Dementia At Age 7

Ol’ Blue,” who was born on December 3, 2003 and made his way to the United States from Mexico, officially died April 3, 2011 at his home in Dallas, Texas. He was preceded in death by a Macintosh SE, his owner’s very first computing device dating back to the 1980s. Ol’ Blue is survived by “PK,” his sole owner, his 2Wire WIFI wireless card “WIFEY,” considered by some to be his better half, and his AC Adaptor Cord “Boxhead,” credited with energizing Ol’ Blue with years of inspiration and powering thoughts. Ol’ Blue suffered from digital dementia of his Intel Celeron 2.0 GHz Processor since January of 2011 and ultimately lost the ability to “power-up,” causing a complete and total loss of hard drive data.

Ol’ Blue was a Dell Inspiron 1100 laptop that people considered to pioneer many “firsts” in the world of computing. He was a computer born in the days of 56K dial-up connections in a time when “geo-location” meant riding around on the family’s computer cart, not too far from a telephone outlet. His physical limits didn’t stop Ol’ Blue from living life large. He rode the virtual power of the DSL wave, which brought him amazing speed and unprecedented performance. In 2004, Ol’ Blue broke the standards of physical connectivity when he went on a liberating, unbridled transformation together with WIFEY, when they “cut the cord” by going completely wireless. Perhaps Ol’ Blue’s most surprising accomplishment was that he was uniquely responsible for connecting his owner to true love, on the online dating site Match.com.

Services will be held this afternoon at the blue bin behind Ol’ Blue’s Dallas home. The Ol’ Blue Memorial Fund has been established by his owner “PK” to help underwrite “New Blue 2.0.” “He would have wanted it that way,” said PK, book-ended by sniffles. Fund donations can be forwarded to ConsumerVictim@att.net.